“I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.”
- Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell
As a family law attorney, I have the opportunity to experience some of the worst days of a client’s life along with them. I deal with people who are going through divorce, losing their children to Protective Services, and losing everything that defines them. It’s often not a pretty picture.
How do people come to such a point in their lives, so void of the AIR Equation elements of happiness--Acceptance, Inspiration, and Respect? Obviously each arrives by his own circuitous route, but often these journeys share similar themes. For most cases, these relationships began from a much different place, one full of hope and open expression of love.
In those early days, there were still mysteries yet to be learned of the other. Each moment was fresh, new and exciting. This joy--and we’ve all felt it, that breathless compulsion when we’re always thinking of the other person, when just their mental image in our heads makes us smile--is what solidifies our relationships.
The adolescence of the relationship seems to be where permanent bonds begin, after the first blush of love and lust passes. The parties come to know each other. The manner in which they settle in with each other--warts and all--can predict whether they will end up in a courtroom as opponents or build toward cementing a happy future.
For example, one partner may be the best cook in the county, but have a terrible track record at financial management. A wise couple will accept both facts as true, and arrange their lives so that partner can shine hosting dinner parties and blog about life in the kitchen. Putting him or her in charge of the family checkbook is destined for disappointment. A troubled couple will ignore the signs of impending disaster and force the partner who can’t handle the finances to do so anyway. There may be a few who survive such a trial by fire, but the majority of couples are hurt and angry when the family crashes and burns--well on their way to becoming adversaries.
Sometimes love blinds people of reality. They become convinced if they just love the other person enough, they’ll change and become the perfect partner. Nearly everyone I’ve represented through a separation or divorce makes a comment about how hard they tried and how disappointed they are that they tried for so long. “You must think I’m an idiot,” they say.
I reassure them that I don’t think that at all. The fact is, no one married the “awful” person they’re divorcing. All the time they’re together, they’re still looking inside their partner for that person they first fell in love with, that person who inspired them to be the best they could be, that person who understood their foibles but cherished them anyway, that person who compliments them and brags about their accomplishments to others. I mean, that person was there at the beginning--where could they have gone?
When someone comes to see me for a consultation, we often talk about that search and the possibility of reconnecting with that “missing” person. Sometimes the break-up is inevitable, as in cases where there is physical violence by one partner against the other or the children--such loss of respect makes it very hard to heal. But often in cases where abiding respect of the couple remains, there is a possibility of resurrecting the pair.
Friedrich Nietzsche said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Think of the kinds of things you’d do or say for a friend you saw heading the wrong direction in life. Should you do less for your spouse or partner? Studies show that marriages can be saved even in the face of such deep personal betrayal as an extramarital affair, if the parties are willing to acknowledge the human imperfection of the offender and their genuine regret for the conduct that hurt the other party. Commitment to survive even this kind of incident and work through the aftermath together inspires these people to examine their true feelings and realize that deep-seated respect, acceptance, and need for each other builds their bond and can lead them to a place of happiness once again.
If, even after examining the chances of reconciliation, the partners decide to go separate ways, emotional damage can be minimized by each proceeding from a mature point of view. Despite what led to that point, the client is best advised to acknowledge the other’s strengths and needs and deal fairly when dividing property and sharing custody.
What not to do is epitomized in the movie “Liar, Liar,” where a wife manipulates her soon-to-be ex by threatening to make up allegations to keep the man she admits is a great father from seeing his children until he pays her an exorbitant sum of money. This sort of tactic benefits no one, and often returns to bite the party using it in the long run.
Instead, if your partner is a great parent, and it’s clear the children will benefit from frequent and ongoing contact, then provide it. Both parents will make sacrifices. By treating the other with respect and civility, the children learn how to conduct themselves even in contentious situations.
The same is true of property. There are always attorneys who are willing to push the battle for “things” into World War III, and are likely to end up with a large chunk of your money as well. For the most part, things are replaceable. Don’t use property to spite the other person. If you’re both capable of supporting yourselves and can divide the personal belongings in a satisfying manner, each of you will be able to go on with your lives. After all, for the most part, the judge’s signature on your divorce decree doesn’t end the contact you’ll have together. Particularly if you have children, there will be milestones, graduations, weddings, grandchildren--you’ve got to be able to look each other in the eye in the future. Remember the way you felt for each other in the beginning. Focusing on their good qualities will help you do that.
Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell has this quote, which sums up the essence of the application of the AIR Equation to this situation: “I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.” Recognize and accept what is less than perfect in each other, do what you can to inspire the best in each other, and move ahead, whatever the future brings, respecting the efforts the other has made.
* Barbara Mountjoy is an attorney who practices family law. Her website is www.mountjoylaw.com and blog www.awalkabout.wordpress.com.
AIRing Out Your Differences: A Family Law Perspective, By Barbara Mountjoy
Karen Minnich-Sadler, Hospice Chaplain, On the AIR Equation - 4/23/2008
“Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.”
- Karen Minnich-Sadler 
Karen Minnich-Sadler is a fellow writer. When she talked about launching her new website and its mission, I felt compelled to have her “On The AIR” as a guest and talk about the positive things she’s doing, among other things.
Karen is also part-time Hospice Chaplain. Formerly a pastor in the Lutheran church, she now reaches out through her website www.faithdance.com to those who were once part of the established Christian church, but who feel disconnected from it. She has written articles, devotionals, and sermons for various Christian publications and clergy journals. As a Hospice Chaplain, it is Karen’s hope that her presence with people throughout the dying process will give them a greater acceptance of the natural flow of life, and help them see death as the birthing process that ushers them into the next stage of life.
Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.
AIR: TELL US A HERO STORY WHERE SOMEONE WAS IN A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND LATER WAS GIVEN HAPPINESS.
MINNICH-SADLER: When I think of hero stories, my thoughts automatically go to the hospice nurses and aides I work with. They’re in daily contact with people who are dying and their traumatized families, yet they continue to do this work without becoming burned out or bitter. They genuinely care about their patients and families, and I’ve seen them cry when someone dies. This is especially true when that person has been with hospice for awhile and they’ve developed a close relationship, or the patient is a child. I’ve been visiting clients when the nurses or aides were there and as I waited for my turn to visit, I watched them deal gently with the patients, and with infinite compassion when talking to families. They’re realistic about the situation and encourage families to take care of themselves, too. My heroes don’t wear brightly colored tights or come bursting onto the scene in a dramatic rescue. My heroes wear agency uniforms and carry bags with medical supplies.
AIR: HOW DO THESE HEROES SAVE THE DAY FOR HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: By accepting the natural ending of this life into the next life, the nurses and aides bring a calming presence into situations where families feel overwhelmed and down. They don’t rush through visits and always have time to talk as long as the families need them. They’re good listeners and have compassionate hearts, and many patients form a closer tie to them than they do to me. They give themselves to bring hope to families and make them feel a little less alone, brightening their lives. These are relationships of love and respect. These workers have been an inspiration to me and everyone with whom they come in contact.
AIR: HAPPINESS, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. HOW HAVE YOU HELPED US MOVE ONE STEP CLOSER TO HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: My hospice work is important to me, but so is my website, www.faithdance.com. In it, I encourage people who are dissatisfied with religion not to give up on God. By weaving spiritual insights into transitions that often occur at mid-life, I try to help people understand what they’re experiencing when their world gets turned upside-down and everything is called into question, including faith. For some, it’s a crisis at mid-life, confusing, overwhelming, and painful with deep personal transformation. By sharing my own story of such a time of upheaval, I want others to know they’re not alone and can get through it. My journey may have led me out of the established church and traditional faith, but it also brought a deeper connection to God, this world and all of life. I learned I had to let go of religion in order to grow my faith.
AIR: WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? ANY UPCOMING EVENTS OR APPEARANCES THE AUDIENCE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
MINNICH-SADLER: My future plans certainly include writing, because I feel strongly that’s what I’m supposed to do with my life. It’s a way of communicating with the greatest number of people. I believe there are many out there like me--especially the Baby Boomer generation--who struggle with faith issues and questions about God. If we can talk about it together, I think we can learn a great deal from one another. My website is relatively new but I hope it grows and that through it, I can form a connection with others who feel that they too are on a journey of spiritual growth and discovery. I’d also like to write a book about my experiences and I’ve begun work on that.
AIR: ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN PERSONAL QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: I believe this life has tremendous purpose and every one of us is doing the best we can to live it. If we can let go of judging one another, we might find there’s an unexpected connection that turns out to be gift. Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.
AIR: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST ON THE AIR EQUATION, A NEW QUOTE IN THE MAKING.
MINNICH-SADLER: If I may, I’d like to add these words from Jean Vanier:
To love is not to give of your riches
but to reveal to others
their riches, their gifts, their value;
and to trust them and their
capacity to grow.
So it is important to approach people
in their brokenness--gently,
so gently,
not forcing yourself on them,
but accepting them as they are,
with humility and respect.
AIR: I’LL HAVE TO PUT JEAN VANIER ON MY READING LIST. KAREN, THANKS FOR SHARING WITH US. 
IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT KAREN MINNICH-SADLER, EVEN IF YOU SIMPLY WANT TO THANK HER FOR HER WORK IN SPREADING HAPPINESS, SHE CAN BE REACHED AT HTTP://WWW.FAITHDANCE.COM.
Do you have a Happiness Hero Story to share? Do you want to increase your audience for your website? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us at AIRequation@yahoo.com.
Compare your Happiness to Averages. Take a Survey!
AIR Equation Happiness Survey Results 10/2007
Analysis of the AIR Equation
Happiness Survey data from October 2007 is complete. I want to thank all of the people who participated in our survey and contributed to the ongoing study of happiness; your personal results were emailed to you this week. If anyone wants to take the survey and find out how they compare to the averages, click here.
There are not enough surveys yet to make statistically-significant comparisons between certain demographic groups (marital status, age, etc.). When we reach that point, we will report on it so stay tuned...and take a survey while you’re at it.
Generally speaking, people have room for improvement in the happiness department. On a 7-point scale where 7 equals “excellent,” overall happiness averaged only 4.7. And that’s adjusted for the
HAPPINESS = 50% Acceptance + 28% Inspiration + 22% Respect
Surely the pursuit of happiness has eluded many a soul. However, this low score may be due to the mix of people who have taken the survey so far. As more people participate, the diversity of results will give us more precise data. Results through October 2007 can be found at this link.
BEST FRIENDS
Of the various figures in our lives, best friends were the highest rated. What catapulted them to the top? Acceptance and respect. We need to better prioritize our time with them since they are leading sources of joy. Based on survey results, best friends rank next to last in the amount of time spent with them.
LOVE INTERESTS
Although on the surface our spouses and love interests rate high, they rank last after adjusting for the
This finding reminds me of the movie “Pursuit of Happyness” where the wife was a constant wet blanket for the hustling husband. And what about the quote Jesus left us: "A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country, and among his own relatives, and in his own house." If you are in this situation, accept it as human nature and keep working hard on your dreams.
According to survey results, we spend the most time with our love interests. Divorces have climbed year after year since no-fault divorces were first allowed in the late 1960s. Applying
FAMILY
Our kin rank middle of the road as a source of happiness, chiefly due to lack of inspiration we receive from them. This harks back to the discussion above about love interests. I have sometimes wondered if humans are programmed this way on purpose, the whole “prophet is not without honor” nature. Without it, how many more people would be content to stay at home, never to fly the coup and spread their wings and push themselves to put a stamp on the world?
sent to you if you’d like. Bookmark Interview with Phil Benichou, Humanist, On the AIR Equation - HAPPINESS HERO STORY 11/1/2007
Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.
AIR: TELL US A HERO STORY WHERE SOMEONE WAS IN A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND YOU GAVE THAT PERSON HAPPINESS, OR WHERE YOU WAS IN A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND SOMEONE GAVE YOU HAPPINESS.
PHIL: I’ve always had an innate sense to help people and the world, and not just the environment. Some say it is because I watched too many episodes of Star Trek, since it has been a major source of inspiration for my life and my cause. While other people think that my purpose is solely for altruistic reasons and the good feeling of helping others and the environment, in actuality I believe that the most important action that a person can do is to help ensure the survival of the human race.
To accomplish this, several holistic actions need to be taken, such as: solve all environment problems, improve all governments for the betterment of society, and improve ourselves as individuals to accelerate development of society.
I’ve traveled to several parts of the world and wherever I’ve been, I’ve noticed people suffering from poverty, bad politics, poor or no education, and pollution.
AIR: IT’S A PROBLEM IN EVERY COUNTRY, EVEN IN THE RICHEST ONES. HOW DID YOUR HORROR TURN INTO HAPPINESS? HOW DID YOUR HORROR TURN INTO HAPPINESS?
PHIL: As a result, I’ve dedicated myself to create a website that can help people help themselves, thus help all of mankind. An unexpected result from my website is the fan letters that I’ve received. They give me an inner feeling of happiness and accomplishment that I’ve never known before, making me want to work harder on it to help more.
AIR: HAPPINESS ON BOTH ENDS, WITH YOUR FANS AND YOURSELF. ANOTHER HAPPY ENDING, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION.
PHIL: Only with accepting responsibility for the world and respecting all people can we continue to be happy. It’s not hard work if we all do it together.
AIR: INSPIRATION AND RESPECT FROM FANS ARE THE LIFEBLOOD OF BLOGGERS AND WRITERS. TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR WEBSITE AND HOW IT HELPS US MOVE ONE STEP CLOSER TO HAPPINESS.
PHIL: At http://www.philforhumanity.com/, I write editorials and articles dedicated to providing ideas and suggestions for the continued perpetuation of mankind and for building a better, safer, and sustainable civilization. This can only be attained through personal development, improving the environment and governments, and planning long term solutions for the betterment of society.
AIR: LEARNING HOW TO BE HAPPY AND MAKE OTHERS HAPPY ARE GOOD PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GOALS. ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN FAVORITE QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?
PHIL: The survival of the human race is the ultimate goal of civilization, so please do your part. To start, help out by getting involved in your local and national politics and making your concerns heard. Also, don’t forget to “reduce, re-use, and recycle.”
AIR: WE APPRECIATE YOUR ADVICE AND TIME, PHIL.
If you want to contact Phil Benichou, to swap views or thank him for his work in spreading happiness, he can be reached at http://www.philforhumanity.com or phil@philforhumanity.com.
Do you have a Happiness Hero or Horror Story to share? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us.
Tips For Happier Dreams and Preventing Nightmares - ARTICLE 10/18/2007
You don’t want to live through a horror story in your dreams, not even if it has a happy ending, unless you’re Stephen King
. Since he’s a horror writer, I’ve joked about him relishing nightmares, looking forward to them as he smiles on his pillow, eagerly awaiting new material for his novels.If you want to learn how to be happier while you’re asleep, I’ll share tips that help me sleep better, wake up to have more joyful days, and prevent nightmares. Friends and strangers have thanked me for the advice.
This leads me to write this article and add the tips in my upcoming novel AMONG WHOM YOU SHINE, a tough yet inspiring story of a family and the nation coming of age regarding tolerance in the 1970s. Besides, according to studies, poor sleep can cause stress, fatigue, and heart problems, and at AIR Equation.org we’re about healthy happiness.
1. GO TO SLEEP IN A BETTER MOOD
* Do something that relaxes you and makes you happy before bedtime. Read a nice book. Take a soothing bath. Play a relaxing CD like one with natural sounds. Use aromatherapy such as scented candles, particularly ones with lavender--an essential oil that promotes sleep.
* Avoid debates and things that create a negative mood. If you use the AIR Equation, this shouldn’t be a problem for the most part. Offer people acceptance, inspiration, and respect before you go to bed. Fear, anger, sadness and similar moods are not good to take with you to la-la land.
Despite the negatives that happen during the day, my wife tries to mellow out and be more courteous as bedtime nears. She even waves to me and the children as she heads to bed, forgiving us for whatever we did that upset her earlier. Ah, the old marriage motivational of not going to sleep angry. She’ll often end the evening watching an inspirational show that fills her with positive thoughts.
* Avoid unpleasant subjects. Tune out negative news, talk, and reality shows on TV. If you’re a big sports fan and your favorite team just lost, don’t stay up to watch highlights you know will end badly. Turn off that midnight horror movie (sorry Stephen King).
Don’t worry about things that make you depressed before you sleep. Be as happy as possible. Hey, visit us.
2. WATCH YOUR EATING
* Eat healthier. Chips, ice cream, pizza, or anything loaded with salt, fat, sugar, or caffeine aren’t good late at night or anytime, including when you’re hungry. Your body’s hunger is triggered more by lack of nutrients than lack of food. That’s why you can be hungry again soon after eating a whole bag of chips--they lack sufficient nutrients.
Eat fruits, vegetables, and grains that are nutritious. Lean toward lighter instead of heavier foods.
* Refrain from food within an hour before sleep. This gives your body time to digest the food efficiently and effectively while it’s revved up to do so. During sleep, almost everything in the body slows down so don’t give it a tough digestive job that’ll also take away your dream management.
3. DON’T OVERHEAT YOURSELF
This is one many don’t realize. I’m working to increase awareness of it. Meir Kryger, MD, chairman of The National Sleep Foundation, reported research on this and wrote the book, A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SLEEP DISORDERS
(though he’s a man and much of the information applies to men as well). He states heat hampers your sleep and ability to dream.* Take the extra blankets and comforters off of your bed. The times I recall having nightmares, especially ones that woke me up in the middle of the night, I was sweating or just felt hot. My nightmares ceased when I started to sleep with only enough covers to keep me warm but not hot.
* Take off the extra clothes, and people. Try sleeping with as little clothing as possible. People and pets generate heat, so monitor sleeping too close to them (without damaging your relationship). Do what fits your comfort level.
* Put on something cool. Ice packs and cold wet rags on the head are examples.
* Lower the room temperature. Since you’ll be under the covers, you can lower the heater setting and save on your fuel bill too. Turn on a fan or open a window if climate permits.
* Change to a cooler room. If you sleep upstairs, which is plagued by the fact that hot air rises, go downstairs where it’s cooler.
Share these happy dream tips with friends and strangers too. Invite them over here for more, courtesy of AIR Equation.org, helping to spread happiness. If Stephen King reads this and starts sleeping under piles of comforters, I want a cut of his next novel.
HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? Take our Survey to find out!
Comments? Post them below.
Interview with Jamie L. Saloff, Author, On The AIR Equation - HAPPINESS HORROR STORY 10/11/2007
retreat.”
- Jamie L. Saloff
She is the author of the book “Transformational Healing: Five Surprisingly Simple Keys Designed to Redirect Your Life Toward Wellness, Purpose, and Happiness.” An internet guru even before the internet was popular, she is the site builder and owner of http://www.polkadotbanner.com/, a website that promotes authors and their books and bring them together with those who love reading and writing (there she goes helping people again).
In all that she does, she looks for ways of motivating people to be the best they can be, always offering encouragement towards their dreams and higher pursuits. She feels that total wellness and inner happiness can come from fulfilling one's higher calling and purpose. Jamie offers workshops and teleseminars on the principals of her book. You can learn more about her and her offerings at the Polka Dot Banner website.
Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.
AIR: TELL US A HORROR STORY YOU LIVED THROUGH THAT HAD A HAPPY ENDING.
SALOFF: It started when my doctor said, "It's a malignancy."
"Cancer?" I asked.
"A malignancy," he corrected. He avoided looking me in the eyes. My 2 year old son explored the small examination room at will. No one stopped him. We were transfixed on every word the doctor said and tried to read in between the lines to find out what he was not saying. I refer to his words now as the “Don’t pass go, do not collect $200, halt all your plans, and go directly to the hospital” message.
Thus began what I call the “Merry-go-round of Cancer.” Note the capital “C” on cancer. A friend of mine once corrected me. “Cancer doesn’t have a capital ‘C’,” he said. “Have you ever had cancer,” I asked? “No,” he replied. “If you’d ever had cancer, you’d capitalize the ‘c’ too,” I said.
When you first learn you have cancer, life becomes a fast-turning merry-go-round. From this merry-go-round there is no escape. You are instantly required to show up for tests, many which you never even knew existed; respond to the beck-and-call of your doctors, of which you now learn you have many; accept the fact that you are now surrounded by well-wishing relatives, most of whom seem to not know what to say and often say the wrong thing. You suddenly find you have no friends except for the really faithful ones, because the others put a lot of distance between you and themselves—after all, it might be catching, or at the very least, uncomfortable for them to be around you. It makes them think too much about the impermanence of life. This is also where you are able to see the dividing line between “friend” and “forever faithful friend.” The distinction of who is who will surprise you. You find during this period of “Cancer” that you have little or no say in most of the decisions affecting your life. Someone else is always making them for you. You are in such turmoil inside that you aren’t really thinking all that clear, so it doesn’t seem to matter what they make you do.
My husband decided he did not want to put my name on the title of our new car. “It will make things easier,” he said, “…just in case.” My mother called up all her friends (and some of mine) and told them I was going to die. Each time I left the hospital, I found I felt worse than when I went in. My doctor continued to look at the floor or out the window each time he came in. He simply could not look me in the eye. I nicknamed my oncologist (one of the specialists on the case) “Mr. Car Salesman,” because he could talk circles around every question I asked (and there were many), while never giving a straight answer. He would tell me I was going to live, but I knew I was going to die.
AIR: SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE REALLY AFRAID. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
SALOFF: One night in the hospital, I watched a documentary about a woman with “Cancer.” (It was definitely a capital “C” for her.) She had endured tremendous hardships through treatment. The documentary ended with one of those black screens saying she had died after the filming. I didn’t feel I had much to look forward to, and I greatly feared the chemotherapy I had been told I would soon have. As I lay there in my hospital bed, I pondered all of this and silently prayed that God would “make a way where there was no way,” one of my favorite prayerful sayings. At that moment, it was as if an elevator door opened up at the foot of my bed and a vision began.
In my vision, I saw Jesus standing in the elevator. He asked me if I wanted to live or die. I had never thought of life as being a choice before, or that I might have any say in the matter. Jesus brought to memory a faith healer I had known who had nearly died but who had also seen a vision. She had been told it was not yet her time to die and that God had work for her to do. Jesus told me he had work for me also, but he wouldn’t say what. (It was kind of like the game show, “Let’s Make a Deal,” and I wasn’t privy to what was behind each door.)
I thought about the chemotherapy and asked what I would have to endure. Jesus would not tell me what I would face since he knew that each choice we make, each step forward we take, can change the outcome of where we will be and what we will be doing tomorrow. He did, however, remind me of a vision I’d had some years earlier of a special baby that would come into my life. Although my doctors had already told me I was sterile and that further treatment would lower my ability to give birth even more, still I latched on to that single possibility and used it as my hope and sign that life could go on after “Cancer.” So I told Jesus, “I choose to live!”
Many things befell me after that. However, the most important change came when I decided that I was in charge of the decisions concerning my life. I insisted my family take me to a larger hospital where my course of treatment changed from extensive and evasive chemotherapy to only radiation therapy. Although I still clung to the hope of having another child, they too assured me that this was no longer a possibility.
Approximately 30 days after my last radiation treatment, I was found to be pregnant. At the time, only 500 cases were on record for my diagnoses and treatment. My doctors, asked me, “How did this happen?” I explained, “Well, when a man and woman come together…” But that was not the answer they wanted. My gynecologist was not really sure what to do with a heavily radiated, pregnant, cancer survivor, so he just did what he would do normally and let the pregnancy proceed normally. That was in 1985.
AIR: HOW DID THIS HORROR TURN INTO HAPPINESS?
SALOFF: Today, I have two fine sons, Matthew and Mark. Mark, though born more than 7 weeks early and weighing a mere 3 pounds, 15 ounces, today stands nearly six feet, five inches tall and weighs around 225 pounds. Both are among the greatest gifts God has ever given to me, that and the gift of life.
From this experience I learned that illness is a catalyst for change and for finding purpose. I learned that even though illness can be the worst period of your life, it can lead to the best of your life and transform you into a better you. I learned that I have choices and that I can create my destiny. These are among the things I teach others.
AIR: ANOTHER HAPPY ENDING, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION. INSPIRATION IS STRONG MEDICINE FOR UNHAPPINESS.
SALOFF: If you are facing an illness, decide that you can choose to live. Decide that you have the right to make choices in your treatment, in your doctors, in how you will live each day. Know that like wellness, illness has a purpose in your life too. Accept illness as a gift and catalyst for change. Find the good in these changes and embrace them. Seek out others who have overcome what you face and learn from their trials. Hang on to the inner most desires of your heart at all costs, and reach out for them.
AIR: JAMIE, WHERE CAN THE AUDIENCE GET MORE DETAILS ON YOUR INCREDIBLE PATH TO HAPPINESS?
SALOFF: For more information on finding wellness through illness, read my book “Transformational Healing: Five Surprisingly Simple Keys Designed to Redirect My Life Toward Wellness, Purpose, and Prosperity.” You can learn more about me and my offerings on my website http://www.polkadotbanner.com/.
AIR: WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? ANY UPCOMING EVENTS OR APPEARANCES THE AUDIENCE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
SALOFF: I will be offering a teleseminar on the evening of November 5th, 2007. To learn more, visit my website http://www.icantransform.com/.
AIR: ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN PERSONAL QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?
SALOFF: “Do not hesitate to do that which you have been called to do for fear of being unworthy, for it is in doing the thing that you will be made so.”
AIR: THAT’S AN AIR EQUATION EXCLUSIVE, A QUOTE YOU HEARD HERE FIRST, DIRECT FROM THE AUTHOR (UNLESS YOU’VE ALREADY READ HER BOOK).
If you want to contact Jamie L. Saloff, even if you simply want to thank her for her work in spreading happiness, she can be reached by email at info@saloff.com, or at her website http://www.polkadotbanner.com.
Do you have a Happiness Hero or Horror Story to share? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us at AIRequation[at]yahoo.com.
How happy are you? Take our survey to find out!
ARTICLES OF INTEREST
Happiness is a 3-Part Formula: The AIR Equation
Do you wish that someday we’ll stop stumbling and find the secret to end wars, school shootings, and other atrocities that stem from unhappiness? The AIR Equation, a targeted 3-part happiness formula, may be the solution.
HAPPINESS SURVEY
In 2006, a research organization conducted a happiness survey project covering careers, love relationships, dating, friends, family, home life, and childhood. The findings:
1. There are 3 factors that significantly impact happiness: Acceptance, Inspiration, and Respect.
2. Together, these factors create an equation that explains 92% of happiness--very high accuracy.
3. Peace and love, trumpeted since the 1960s as sources of happiness, did not score high enough to be included in the final equation.
The AIR Equation was born, an easy-to-recall acronym for the 3 keys to concentrate on in life:
Now you know the formula for happiness, spiritual inner items that don’t cost money. And researchers learned long ago that man-made materialistic items are not significant factors of happiness, so put your checkbooks, credit cards, and loan officers away.
A follow-up second survey is now underway. To contribute to the research and get a FREE happiness assessment to compare your results to worldwide averages, click here.
AIR EQUATION EXPLAINED
Acceptance: Do you have a need for more tolerance, cooperation, approval, or agreement? Discrimination falls under this factor, making diversity and related issues very important for human resources professionals. Half of one’s happiness is based on acceptance--whether it’s from another person or themselves--making true happiness virtually impossible without it. Abraham Lincoln had a strategy for this: “I destroy my enemy by making him my friend.”
Inspiration: Are you yearning for a revelation, elevation, vision, encouragement, or enthusiasm? Expectations and thoughts about your future affect inspiration. For many workers, “glass ceilings” hurt motivation and morale. The brighter you believe tomorrow will be, the happier you’ll be.
Respect: Does your life lack appreciation, recognition, courtesy, esteem, dignity, or honor? Many of our institutions value honor. It adds joy to careers, parent-child relationships, and marriages. Bono--activist, U2 band leader, and Liberty Award winner for DATA (Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa)--said, "To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater."
This provides context to what drives protesters into the streets when a public figure does or says something that violates one of these 3 factors. It makes them unhappy! Despite the source of darkness in your life, there is no need to go on a revengeful rampage. You always have the liberty to be forgiving, good, and happy anyway.
Think about Helen Keller who, after accepting her deafness and blindness, traveled all over the globe to inspire millions, garnering respect from the greatest world leaders. Look at Alexandra Scott and the Alex's Lemonade Stand phenomenon this young terminally-ill girl created. From a Roman prison, Saint Paul inspired himself and his free-but-troubled comrades hundreds of miles away by saying, “In the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.”
APPLYING THE AIR EQUATION
If you’re like me, deep down you not only want to know how to be happy but you also want others to be happy so they’ll stop dishing out the opposite! Use the AIR Equation to prioritize your pursuit of happiness (or help someone else’s pursuit). Here are some tips.
Acceptance: This factor comes first. Your greatest source of acceptance should be yourself. Don’t dwell on your negatives or unacceptance, but rather focus on your positive strengths. Avoid judging others or yourself. As social animals, humans tend to herd in their reactions to things. When they herd around negatives, resist the temptation to follow--rise above this animal nature.
Inspiration: Surround yourself with people who add inspiration to your life and reduce time with people who don’t. Join groups with people who share your traits and interests. Dream. Then set goals to achieve that dream. You’ll feel better about your future when you work toward something positive and rewarding, and believe that the payoff will come.
Respect: Be proud of yourself. Again, focus on the positive things about you that most people don’t have, like certain admirers, awards, and abilities. Let these credentials be known. Carry yourself as one worthy of respect. And treat others with respect as well. When you become known as a respectful person, you’ll be surprised at how much people will come to your defense when your own respect is threatened.
Give AIR: Happiness follows the law of supply and demand, too: the less of it there is, the more valuable it becomes. Giving happiness to others is a great way to get happiness back. This philosophy dates back more than 2,500 years, from Confucius’s teachings of helping humanity to modern day Positive Psychology. Milton Hershey, founder of the namesake chocolate empire, claimed that, “One is only happy in proportion as he makes others feel happy, and only useful as he contributes his influences for the finer callings in life.”
A purposeful happy soul is a productive healthy soul. Negative quotes such as “Good guys finish last” and “Revenge is a dish best served cold” are counterproductive and detract from happiness. Use positive quotes instead. Respect people for their strengths, offer inspiration to use them, and accept people for their weaknesses. Aid instead of insult their improvement.
Don’t take AIR from others: Avoid peer pressure to do bad things to gain acceptance, or lower others’ inspiration to feel better about your own, or bully people to gain respect. It makes the other party revengeful. Happiness is often a two-way street.
Those who choose solitary lifestyles or have high esteem may not need AIR from others, feeling they generate it for themselves. Granted, they’re not taking AIR from anyone, but they miss out on the reward that comes from helping humanity.
Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” According to Mahatma Gandhi, “We must become
the change we want to see in the world.” Start a new peace sign for the new millennium--AIR, a symbol for happiness. Join the cause. Take an assessment and see how happy you are compared to the society averages. After applying the Equation, you’ll probably end your pursuit of happiness successfully, relieved and ready to “Give me some AIR!” Comments? Post them below.
