QUOTE - Wilbert E. Scheer - Inspiration, 7/18/2008

“Tolerance is the oil which takes the friction out of life.”
- Wilbert E. Scheer

QUOTE - Henry Adams - Acceptance, Inspiration, 7/4/2008

“He too serves a certain purpose who only stands and cheers.”
- Henry Adams

QUOTE - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect, 6/13/2008

"The way you see people is the way you treat them and the way you treat them is what they become."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

QUOTE - Mark Twain - Inspiration, 6/6/2008

"A man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.”
- Mark Twain

AIRing Out Your Differences: A Family Law Perspective, By Barbara Mountjoy

“I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.”
- Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell


As a family law attorney, I have the opportunity to experience some of the worst days of a client’s life along with them. I deal with people who are going through divorce, losing their children to Protective Services, and losing everything that defines them. It’s often not a pretty picture.

How do people come to such a point in their lives, so void of the AIR Equation elements of happiness--Acceptance, Inspiration, and Respect? Obviously each arrives by his own circuitous route, but often these journeys share similar themes. For most cases, these relationships began from a much different place, one full of hope and open expression of love.

In those early days, there were still mysteries yet to be learned of the other. Each moment was fresh, new and exciting. This joy--and we’ve all felt it, that breathless compulsion when we’re always thinking of the other person, when just their mental image in our heads makes us smile--is what solidifies our relationships.

The adolescence of the relationship seems to be where permanent bonds begin, after the first blush of love and lust passes. The parties come to know each other. The manner in which they settle in with each other--warts and all--can predict whether they will end up in a courtroom as opponents or build toward cementing a happy future.

For example, one partner may be the best cook in the county, but have a terrible track record at financial management. A wise couple will accept both facts as true, and arrange their lives so that partner can shine hosting dinner parties and blog about life in the kitchen. Putting him or her in charge of the family checkbook is destined for disappointment. A troubled couple will ignore the signs of impending disaster and force the partner who can’t handle the finances to do so anyway. There may be a few who survive such a trial by fire, but the majority of couples are hurt and angry when the family crashes and burns--well on their way to becoming adversaries.

Sometimes love blinds people of reality. They become convinced if they just love the other person enough, they’ll change and become the perfect partner. Nearly everyone I’ve represented through a separation or divorce makes a comment about how hard they tried and how disappointed they are that they tried for so long. “You must think I’m an idiot,” they say.

I reassure them that I don’t think that at all. The fact is, no one married the “awful” person they’re divorcing. All the time they’re together, they’re still looking inside their partner for that person they first fell in love with, that person who inspired them to be the best they could be, that person who understood their foibles but cherished them anyway, that person who compliments them and brags about their accomplishments to others. I mean, that person was there at the beginning--where could they have gone?

When someone comes to see me for a consultation, we often talk about that search and the possibility of reconnecting with that “missing” person. Sometimes the break-up is inevitable, as in cases where there is physical violence by one partner against the other or the children--such loss of respect makes it very hard to heal. But often in cases where abiding respect of the couple remains, there is a possibility of resurrecting the pair.

Friedrich Nietzsche said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Think of the kinds of things you’d do or say for a friend you saw heading the wrong direction in life. Should you do less for your spouse or partner? Studies show that marriages can be saved even in the face of such deep personal betrayal as an extramarital affair, if the parties are willing to acknowledge the human imperfection of the offender and their genuine regret for the conduct that hurt the other party. Commitment to survive even this kind of incident and work through the aftermath together inspires these people to examine their true feelings and realize that deep-seated respect, acceptance, and need for each other builds their bond and can lead them to a place of happiness once again.

If, even after examining the chances of reconciliation, the partners decide to go separate ways, emotional damage can be minimized by each proceeding from a mature point of view. Despite what led to that point, the client is best advised to acknowledge the other’s strengths and needs and deal fairly when dividing property and sharing custody.

What not to do is epitomized in the movie “Liar, Liar,” where a wife manipulates her soon-to-be ex by threatening to make up allegations to keep the man she admits is a great father from seeing his children until he pays her an exorbitant sum of money. This sort of tactic benefits no one, and often returns to bite the party using it in the long run.

Instead, if your partner is a great parent, and it’s clear the children will benefit from frequent and ongoing contact, then provide it. Both parents will make sacrifices. By treating the other with respect and civility, the children learn how to conduct themselves even in contentious situations.

The same is true of property. There are always attorneys who are willing to push the battle for “things” into World War III, and are likely to end up with a large chunk of your money as well. For the most part, things are replaceable. Don’t use property to spite the other person. If you’re both capable of supporting yourselves and can divide the personal belongings in a satisfying manner, each of you will be able to go on with your lives. After all, for the most part, the judge’s signature on your divorce decree doesn’t end the contact you’ll have together. Particularly if you have children, there will be milestones, graduations, weddings, grandchildren--you’ve got to be able to look each other in the eye in the future. Remember the way you felt for each other in the beginning. Focusing on their good qualities will help you do that.

Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell has this quote, which sums up the essence of the application of the AIR Equation to this situation: “I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.” Recognize and accept what is less than perfect in each other, do what you can to inspire the best in each other, and move ahead, whatever the future brings, respecting the efforts the other has made.


* Barbara Mountjoy is an attorney who practices family law. Her website is www.mountjoylaw.com and blog www.awalkabout.wordpress.com.

QUOTE - Friedrich Nietzsche - Acceptance, Inspiration, 5/9/2008

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Karen Minnich-Sadler, Hospice Chaplain, On the AIR Equation - 4/23/2008

“Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.”
- Karen Minnich-Sadler


Karen Minnich-Sadler is a fellow writer. When she talked about launching her new website and its mission, I felt compelled to have her “On The AIR” as a guest and talk about the positive things she’s doing, among other things.

Karen is also part-time Hospice Chaplain. Formerly a pastor in the Lutheran church, she now reaches out through her website www.faithdance.com to those who were once part of the established Christian church, but who feel disconnected from it. She has written articles, devotionals, and sermons for various Christian publications and clergy journals. As a Hospice Chaplain, it is Karen’s hope that her presence with people throughout the dying process will give them a greater acceptance of the natural flow of life, and help them see death as the birthing process that ushers them into the next stage of life.

Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.

AIR: TELL US A HERO STORY WHERE SOMEONE WAS IN A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND LATER WAS GIVEN HAPPINESS.

MINNICH-SADLER: When I think of hero stories, my thoughts automatically go to the hospice nurses and aides I work with. They’re in daily contact with people who are dying and their traumatized families, yet they continue to do this work without becoming burned out or bitter. They genuinely care about their patients and families, and I’ve seen them cry when someone dies. This is especially true when that person has been with hospice for awhile and they’ve developed a close relationship, or the patient is a child. I’ve been visiting clients when the nurses or aides were there and as I waited for my turn to visit, I watched them deal gently with the patients, and with infinite compassion when talking to families. They’re realistic about the situation and encourage families to take care of themselves, too. My heroes don’t wear brightly colored tights or come bursting onto the scene in a dramatic rescue. My heroes wear agency uniforms and carry bags with medical supplies.

AIR: HOW DO THESE HEROES SAVE THE DAY FOR HAPPINESS?

MINNICH-SADLER: By accepting the natural ending of this life into the next life, the nurses and aides bring a calming presence into situations where families feel overwhelmed and down. They don’t rush through visits and always have time to talk as long as the families need them. They’re good listeners and have compassionate hearts, and many patients form a closer tie to them than they do to me. They give themselves to bring hope to families and make them feel a little less alone, brightening their lives. These are relationships of love and respect. These workers have been an inspiration to me and everyone with whom they come in contact.

AIR: HAPPINESS, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. HOW HAVE YOU HELPED US MOVE ONE STEP CLOSER TO HAPPINESS?

MINNICH-SADLER: My hospice work is important to me, but so is my website, www.faithdance.com. In it, I encourage people who are dissatisfied with religion not to give up on God. By weaving spiritual insights into transitions that often occur at mid-life, I try to help people understand what they’re experiencing when their world gets turned upside-down and everything is called into question, including faith. For some, it’s a crisis at mid-life, confusing, overwhelming, and painful with deep personal transformation. By sharing my own story of such a time of upheaval, I want others to know they’re not alone and can get through it. My journey may have led me out of the established church and traditional faith, but it also brought a deeper connection to God, this world and all of life. I learned I had to let go of religion in order to grow my faith.

AIR: WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? ANY UPCOMING EVENTS OR APPEARANCES THE AUDIENCE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

MINNICH-SADLER: My future plans certainly include writing, because I feel strongly that’s what I’m supposed to do with my life. It’s a way of communicating with the greatest number of people. I believe there are many out there like me--especially the Baby Boomer generation--who struggle with faith issues and questions about God. If we can talk about it together, I think we can learn a great deal from one another. My website is relatively new but I hope it grows and that through it, I can form a connection with others who feel that they too are on a journey of spiritual growth and discovery. I’d also like to write a book about my experiences and I’ve begun work on that.

AIR: ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN PERSONAL QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?

MINNICH-SADLER: I believe this life has tremendous purpose and every one of us is doing the best we can to live it. If we can let go of judging one another, we might find there’s an unexpected connection that turns out to be gift. Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.

AIR: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST ON THE AIR EQUATION, A NEW QUOTE IN THE MAKING.

MINNICH-SADLER: If I may, I’d like to add these words from Jean Vanier:

To love is not to give of your riches
but to reveal to others
their riches, their gifts, their value;
and to trust them and their
capacity to grow.

So it is important to approach people
in their brokenness--gently,
so gently,
not forcing yourself on them,
but accepting them as they are,
with humility and respect.

AIR: I’LL HAVE TO PUT JEAN VANIER ON MY READING LIST. KAREN, THANKS FOR SHARING WITH US.

IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT KAREN MINNICH-SADLER, EVEN IF YOU SIMPLY WANT TO THANK HER FOR HER WORK IN SPREADING HAPPINESS, SHE CAN BE REACHED AT HTTP://WWW.FAITHDANCE.COM.

Do you have a Happiness Hero Story to share? Do you want to increase your audience for your website? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us at AIRequation@yahoo.com.

Compare your Happiness to Averages. Take a Survey!

QUOTE 4/4/2008 - George Bernard Shaw - Inspiration

"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not."
- George Bernard Shaw

QUOTE 2/11/2008 - Henry David Thoreau - Inspiration

"Hope and the future for me are not in lawns and cultivated fields, not in towns and cities, but in the impervious and quaking swamps."
- Henry David Thoreau

QUOTE 1/25/2008 - Lady Mary Wortley Montagu - Inspiration

"No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting."
- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

QUOTE 1/18/2008 - John Steinbeck - Inspiration

"A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker, than a germ."
- John Steinbeck

QUOTE 1/4/2008 - Claude M. Bristol - Inspiration

"To win you've got to stay in the game."
- Claude M. Bristol

QUOTE 1/2/2008 - Margaret Collier Graham - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect

"People need joy quite as much as clothing. Some of them need it far more."
- Margaret Collier Graham

QUOTE 12/28/2007 - Edith Wharton - Acceptance, Inspiration

"There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow."
- Edith Wharton

QUOTE 11/26/2007 - E. L. Konigsburg - Inspiration

"Often the search proves more profitable than the goal."
- E. L. Konigsburg

QUOTE 11/19/2007 - Mark Twain - Inspiration

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear."
- Mark Twain

QUOTE - Ralph Waldo Emerson - Acceptance, Inspiration, 11/2/2007

"Don't recite other people's opinions...Tell me what you know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Compare your Happiness to the Averages. TAKE OUR SURVEY!



Subscribe to AIR Equation.org

Interview with Jamie L. Saloff, Author, On The AIR Equation - HAPPINESS HORROR STORY 10/11/2007

“Fear is a beast that feeds on the unknown. Define the unknown and fear will
retreat.”
- Jamie L. Saloff

I've had the pleasure of knowing Jamie Saloff for about a year now. She's a real dynamo and dedicated to helping others. If you meet her anytime soon, you'll never guess the horrors she has survived. As Happiness Horror Stories go on the AIR Equation, they start horribly but always have a happy ending.

She is the author of the book “Transformational Healing: Five Surprisingly Simple Keys Designed to Redirect Your Life Toward Wellness, Purpose, and Happiness.” An internet guru even before the internet was popular, she is the site builder and owner of http://www.polkadotbanner.com/, a website that promotes authors and their books and bring them together with those who love reading and writing (there she goes helping people again).

In all that she does, she looks for ways of motivating people to be the best they can be, always offering encouragement towards their dreams and higher pursuits. She feels that total wellness and inner happiness can come from fulfilling one's higher calling and purpose. Jamie offers workshops and teleseminars on the principals of her book. You can learn more about her and her offerings at the Polka Dot Banner website.

Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.

AIR: TELL US A HORROR STORY YOU LIVED THROUGH THAT HAD A HAPPY ENDING.

SALOFF: It started when my doctor said, "It's a malignancy."

"Cancer?" I asked.

"A malignancy," he corrected. He avoided looking me in the eyes. My 2 year old son explored the small examination room at will. No one stopped him. We were transfixed on every word the doctor said and tried to read in between the lines to find out what he was not saying. I refer to his words now as the “Don’t pass go, do not collect $200, halt all your plans, and go directly to the hospital” message.

Thus began what I call the “Merry-go-round of Cancer.” Note the capital “C” on cancer. A friend of mine once corrected me. “Cancer doesn’t have a capital ‘C’,” he said. “Have you ever had cancer,” I asked? “No,” he replied. “If you’d ever had cancer, you’d capitalize the ‘c’ too,” I said.

When you first learn you have cancer, life becomes a fast-turning merry-go-round. From this merry-go-round there is no escape. You are instantly required to show up for tests, many which you never even knew existed; respond to the beck-and-call of your doctors, of which you now learn you have many; accept the fact that you are now surrounded by well-wishing relatives, most of whom seem to not know what to say and often say the wrong thing. You suddenly find you have no friends except for the really faithful ones, because the others put a lot of distance between you and themselves—after all, it might be catching, or at the very least, uncomfortable for them to be around you. It makes them think too much about the impermanence of life. This is also where you are able to see the dividing line between “friend” and “forever faithful friend.” The distinction of who is who will surprise you. You find during this period of “Cancer” that you have little or no say in most of the decisions affecting your life. Someone else is always making them for you. You are in such turmoil inside that you aren’t really thinking all that clear, so it doesn’t seem to matter what they make you do.

My husband decided he did not want to put my name on the title of our new car. “It will make things easier,” he said, “…just in case.” My mother called up all her friends (and some of mine) and told them I was going to die. Each time I left the hospital, I found I felt worse than when I went in. My doctor continued to look at the floor or out the window each time he came in. He simply could not look me in the eye. I nicknamed my oncologist (one of the specialists on the case) “Mr. Car Salesman,” because he could talk circles around every question I asked (and there were many), while never giving a straight answer. He would tell me I was going to live, but I knew I was going to die.

AIR: SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE REALLY AFRAID. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

SALOFF: One night in the hospital, I watched a documentary about a woman with “Cancer.” (It was definitely a capital “C” for her.) She had endured tremendous hardships through treatment. The documentary ended with one of those black screens saying she had died after the filming. I didn’t feel I had much to look forward to, and I greatly feared the chemotherapy I had been told I would soon have. As I lay there in my hospital bed, I pondered all of this and silently prayed that God would “make a way where there was no way,” one of my favorite prayerful sayings. At that moment, it was as if an elevator door opened up at the foot of my bed and a vision began.

In my vision, I saw Jesus standing in the elevator. He asked me if I wanted to live or die. I had never thought of life as being a choice before, or that I might have any say in the matter. Jesus brought to memory a faith healer I had known who had nearly died but who had also seen a vision. She had been told it was not yet her time to die and that God had work for her to do. Jesus told me he had work for me also, but he wouldn’t say what. (It was kind of like the game show, “Let’s Make a Deal,” and I wasn’t privy to what was behind each door.)

I thought about the chemotherapy and asked what I would have to endure. Jesus would not tell me what I would face since he knew that each choice we make, each step forward we take, can change the outcome of where we will be and what we will be doing tomorrow. He did, however, remind me of a vision I’d had some years earlier of a special baby that would come into my life. Although my doctors had already told me I was sterile and that further treatment would lower my ability to give birth even more, still I latched on to that single possibility and used it as my hope and sign that life could go on after “Cancer.” So I told Jesus, “I choose to live!”

Many things befell me after that. However, the most important change came when I decided that I was in charge of the decisions concerning my life. I insisted my family take me to a larger hospital where my course of treatment changed from extensive and evasive chemotherapy to only radiation therapy. Although I still clung to the hope of having another child, they too assured me that this was no longer a possibility.

Approximately 30 days after my last radiation treatment, I was found to be pregnant. At the time, only 500 cases were on record for my diagnoses and treatment. My doctors, asked me, “How did this happen?” I explained, “Well, when a man and woman come together…” But that was not the answer they wanted. My gynecologist was not really sure what to do with a heavily radiated, pregnant, cancer survivor, so he just did what he would do normally and let the pregnancy proceed normally. That was in 1985.

AIR: HOW DID THIS HORROR TURN INTO HAPPINESS?

SALOFF: Today, I have two fine sons, Matthew and Mark. Mark, though born more than 7 weeks early and weighing a mere 3 pounds, 15 ounces, today stands nearly six feet, five inches tall and weighs around 225 pounds. Both are among the greatest gifts God has ever given to me, that and the gift of life.

From this experience I learned that illness is a catalyst for change and for finding purpose. I learned that even though illness can be the worst period of your life, it can lead to the best of your life and transform you into a better you. I learned that I have choices and that I can create my destiny. These are among the things I teach others.

AIR: ANOTHER HAPPY ENDING, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION. INSPIRATION IS STRONG MEDICINE FOR UNHAPPINESS.

SALOFF: If you are facing an illness, decide that you can choose to live. Decide that you have the right to make choices in your treatment, in your doctors, in how you will live each day. Know that like wellness, illness has a purpose in your life too. Accept illness as a gift and catalyst for change. Find the good in these changes and embrace them. Seek out others who have overcome what you face and learn from their trials. Hang on to the inner most desires of your heart at all costs, and reach out for them.

AIR: JAMIE, WHERE CAN THE AUDIENCE GET MORE DETAILS ON YOUR INCREDIBLE PATH TO HAPPINESS?

SALOFF: For more information on finding wellness through illness, read my book “Transformational Healing: Five Surprisingly Simple Keys Designed to Redirect My Life Toward Wellness, Purpose, and Prosperity.” You can learn more about me and my offerings on my website http://www.polkadotbanner.com/.

AIR: WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? ANY UPCOMING EVENTS OR APPEARANCES THE AUDIENCE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

SALOFF: I will be offering a teleseminar on the evening of November 5th, 2007. To learn more, visit my website http://www.icantransform.com/.

AIR: ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN PERSONAL QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?

SALOFF: “Do not hesitate to do that which you have been called to do for fear of being unworthy, for it is in doing the thing that you will be made so.”

AIR: THAT’S AN AIR EQUATION EXCLUSIVE, A QUOTE YOU HEARD HERE FIRST, DIRECT FROM THE AUTHOR (UNLESS YOU’VE ALREADY READ HER BOOK).

If you want to contact Jamie L. Saloff, even if you simply want to thank her for her work in spreading happiness, she can be reached by email at info@saloff.com, or at her website http://www.polkadotbanner.com.

Do you have a Happiness Hero or Horror Story to share? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us at AIRequation[at]yahoo.com.

How happy are you? Take our survey to find out!

GET THE HOLY BIBLE ON ONE CD!

QUOTE - Harriet Beecher Stowe - Inspiration, 10/8/2007

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? Take our Survey!



Subscribe to AIR Equation.org

QUOTE - Robert Louis Stevenson - Acceptance, Inspiration, 10/5/2007

"Our business in this world is not to succeed, but to continue to fail, in good spirits."
- Robert Louis Stevenson

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU? Take our Survey!



Subscribe to AIR Equation.org