"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Showing posts with label Public Leader. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Public Leader. Show all posts
QUOTE - Franklin D. Roosevelt - Inspiration, 8/1/2008
QUOTE - Richard Nixon - Inspiration, 7/25/2008
“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.”
- Richard Nixon
QUOTE - Proverbs 16:32 - Inspiration, Respect, 7/11/2008
"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."
- Proverbs 16:32
QUOTE - John McCain - Inspiration, 6/20/2008
“Glory is not a conceit. It is not a decoration for valor. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your principles, to the people on whom you rely and who rely on you in rerun.”
- John McCain
AIRing Out Your Differences: A Family Law Perspective, By Barbara Mountjoy
“I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.”
- Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell
As a family law attorney, I have the opportunity to experience some of the worst days of a client’s life along with them. I deal with people who are going through divorce, losing their children to Protective Services, and losing everything that defines them. It’s often not a pretty picture.
How do people come to such a point in their lives, so void of the AIR Equation elements of happiness--Acceptance, Inspiration, and Respect? Obviously each arrives by his own circuitous route, but often these journeys share similar themes. For most cases, these relationships began from a much different place, one full of hope and open expression of love.
In those early days, there were still mysteries yet to be learned of the other. Each moment was fresh, new and exciting. This joy--and we’ve all felt it, that breathless compulsion when we’re always thinking of the other person, when just their mental image in our heads makes us smile--is what solidifies our relationships.
The adolescence of the relationship seems to be where permanent bonds begin, after the first blush of love and lust passes. The parties come to know each other. The manner in which they settle in with each other--warts and all--can predict whether they will end up in a courtroom as opponents or build toward cementing a happy future.
For example, one partner may be the best cook in the county, but have a terrible track record at financial management. A wise couple will accept both facts as true, and arrange their lives so that partner can shine hosting dinner parties and blog about life in the kitchen. Putting him or her in charge of the family checkbook is destined for disappointment. A troubled couple will ignore the signs of impending disaster and force the partner who can’t handle the finances to do so anyway. There may be a few who survive such a trial by fire, but the majority of couples are hurt and angry when the family crashes and burns--well on their way to becoming adversaries.
Sometimes love blinds people of reality. They become convinced if they just love the other person enough, they’ll change and become the perfect partner. Nearly everyone I’ve represented through a separation or divorce makes a comment about how hard they tried and how disappointed they are that they tried for so long. “You must think I’m an idiot,” they say.
I reassure them that I don’t think that at all. The fact is, no one married the “awful” person they’re divorcing. All the time they’re together, they’re still looking inside their partner for that person they first fell in love with, that person who inspired them to be the best they could be, that person who understood their foibles but cherished them anyway, that person who compliments them and brags about their accomplishments to others. I mean, that person was there at the beginning--where could they have gone?
When someone comes to see me for a consultation, we often talk about that search and the possibility of reconnecting with that “missing” person. Sometimes the break-up is inevitable, as in cases where there is physical violence by one partner against the other or the children--such loss of respect makes it very hard to heal. But often in cases where abiding respect of the couple remains, there is a possibility of resurrecting the pair.
Friedrich Nietzsche said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Think of the kinds of things you’d do or say for a friend you saw heading the wrong direction in life. Should you do less for your spouse or partner? Studies show that marriages can be saved even in the face of such deep personal betrayal as an extramarital affair, if the parties are willing to acknowledge the human imperfection of the offender and their genuine regret for the conduct that hurt the other party. Commitment to survive even this kind of incident and work through the aftermath together inspires these people to examine their true feelings and realize that deep-seated respect, acceptance, and need for each other builds their bond and can lead them to a place of happiness once again.
If, even after examining the chances of reconciliation, the partners decide to go separate ways, emotional damage can be minimized by each proceeding from a mature point of view. Despite what led to that point, the client is best advised to acknowledge the other’s strengths and needs and deal fairly when dividing property and sharing custody.
What not to do is epitomized in the movie “Liar, Liar,” where a wife manipulates her soon-to-be ex by threatening to make up allegations to keep the man she admits is a great father from seeing his children until he pays her an exorbitant sum of money. This sort of tactic benefits no one, and often returns to bite the party using it in the long run.
Instead, if your partner is a great parent, and it’s clear the children will benefit from frequent and ongoing contact, then provide it. Both parents will make sacrifices. By treating the other with respect and civility, the children learn how to conduct themselves even in contentious situations.
The same is true of property. There are always attorneys who are willing to push the battle for “things” into World War III, and are likely to end up with a large chunk of your money as well. For the most part, things are replaceable. Don’t use property to spite the other person. If you’re both capable of supporting yourselves and can divide the personal belongings in a satisfying manner, each of you will be able to go on with your lives. After all, for the most part, the judge’s signature on your divorce decree doesn’t end the contact you’ll have together. Particularly if you have children, there will be milestones, graduations, weddings, grandchildren--you’ve got to be able to look each other in the eye in the future. Remember the way you felt for each other in the beginning. Focusing on their good qualities will help you do that.
Former U.S. Rep. Chris Bell has this quote, which sums up the essence of the application of the AIR Equation to this situation: “I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've owned up to the mistakes and moved forward.” Recognize and accept what is less than perfect in each other, do what you can to inspire the best in each other, and move ahead, whatever the future brings, respecting the efforts the other has made.
* Barbara Mountjoy is an attorney who practices family law. Her website is www.mountjoylaw.com and blog www.awalkabout.wordpress.com.
Karen Minnich-Sadler, Hospice Chaplain, On the AIR Equation - 4/23/2008
“Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.”
- Karen Minnich-Sadler 
Karen Minnich-Sadler is a fellow writer. When she talked about launching her new website and its mission, I felt compelled to have her “On The AIR” as a guest and talk about the positive things she’s doing, among other things.
Karen is also part-time Hospice Chaplain. Formerly a pastor in the Lutheran church, she now reaches out through her website www.faithdance.com to those who were once part of the established Christian church, but who feel disconnected from it. She has written articles, devotionals, and sermons for various Christian publications and clergy journals. As a Hospice Chaplain, it is Karen’s hope that her presence with people throughout the dying process will give them a greater acceptance of the natural flow of life, and help them see death as the birthing process that ushers them into the next stage of life.
Welcome to the AIR Equation: The 3-Part Formula For Happiness.
AIR: TELL US A HERO STORY WHERE SOMEONE WAS IN A HORRIBLE SITUATION AND LATER WAS GIVEN HAPPINESS.
MINNICH-SADLER: When I think of hero stories, my thoughts automatically go to the hospice nurses and aides I work with. They’re in daily contact with people who are dying and their traumatized families, yet they continue to do this work without becoming burned out or bitter. They genuinely care about their patients and families, and I’ve seen them cry when someone dies. This is especially true when that person has been with hospice for awhile and they’ve developed a close relationship, or the patient is a child. I’ve been visiting clients when the nurses or aides were there and as I waited for my turn to visit, I watched them deal gently with the patients, and with infinite compassion when talking to families. They’re realistic about the situation and encourage families to take care of themselves, too. My heroes don’t wear brightly colored tights or come bursting onto the scene in a dramatic rescue. My heroes wear agency uniforms and carry bags with medical supplies.
AIR: HOW DO THESE HEROES SAVE THE DAY FOR HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: By accepting the natural ending of this life into the next life, the nurses and aides bring a calming presence into situations where families feel overwhelmed and down. They don’t rush through visits and always have time to talk as long as the families need them. They’re good listeners and have compassionate hearts, and many patients form a closer tie to them than they do to me. They give themselves to bring hope to families and make them feel a little less alone, brightening their lives. These are relationships of love and respect. These workers have been an inspiration to me and everyone with whom they come in contact.
AIR: HAPPINESS, COURTESY OF THE AIR EQUATION. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. HOW HAVE YOU HELPED US MOVE ONE STEP CLOSER TO HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: My hospice work is important to me, but so is my website, www.faithdance.com. In it, I encourage people who are dissatisfied with religion not to give up on God. By weaving spiritual insights into transitions that often occur at mid-life, I try to help people understand what they’re experiencing when their world gets turned upside-down and everything is called into question, including faith. For some, it’s a crisis at mid-life, confusing, overwhelming, and painful with deep personal transformation. By sharing my own story of such a time of upheaval, I want others to know they’re not alone and can get through it. My journey may have led me out of the established church and traditional faith, but it also brought a deeper connection to God, this world and all of life. I learned I had to let go of religion in order to grow my faith.
AIR: WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS? ANY UPCOMING EVENTS OR APPEARANCES THE AUDIENCE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
MINNICH-SADLER: My future plans certainly include writing, because I feel strongly that’s what I’m supposed to do with my life. It’s a way of communicating with the greatest number of people. I believe there are many out there like me--especially the Baby Boomer generation--who struggle with faith issues and questions about God. If we can talk about it together, I think we can learn a great deal from one another. My website is relatively new but I hope it grows and that through it, I can form a connection with others who feel that they too are on a journey of spiritual growth and discovery. I’d also like to write a book about my experiences and I’ve begun work on that.
AIR: ANY LAST WORDS OF WISDOM YOU’D LIKE TO GIVE US, YOUR OWN PERSONAL QUOTE ON HAPPINESS?
MINNICH-SADLER: I believe this life has tremendous purpose and every one of us is doing the best we can to live it. If we can let go of judging one another, we might find there’s an unexpected connection that turns out to be gift. Being able to accept ourselves and others as we are while still gently encouraging one another to grow is one of the greatest blessings.
AIR: YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST ON THE AIR EQUATION, A NEW QUOTE IN THE MAKING.
MINNICH-SADLER: If I may, I’d like to add these words from Jean Vanier:
To love is not to give of your riches
but to reveal to others
their riches, their gifts, their value;
and to trust them and their
capacity to grow.
So it is important to approach people
in their brokenness--gently,
so gently,
not forcing yourself on them,
but accepting them as they are,
with humility and respect.
AIR: I’LL HAVE TO PUT JEAN VANIER ON MY READING LIST. KAREN, THANKS FOR SHARING WITH US. 
IF YOU WANT TO CONTACT KAREN MINNICH-SADLER, EVEN IF YOU SIMPLY WANT TO THANK HER FOR HER WORK IN SPREADING HAPPINESS, SHE CAN BE REACHED AT HTTP://WWW.FAITHDANCE.COM.
Do you have a Happiness Hero Story to share? Do you want to increase your audience for your website? Would you or someone you know like an interview On The AIR? Email us at AIRequation@yahoo.com.
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QUOTE - Barack Obama - Inspiration, 4/18/2008
“If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.”
- Barack Obama
QUOTE 4/11/2008 - Hillary Clinton - Inspiration
“The challenge is to practice politics as the art of making what appears to be impossible, possible.”
- Hillary Clinton
QUOTE 3/7/2008 - Benjamin Franklin - Respect
"Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor."
- Benjamin Franklin
QUOTE 2/22/2008 - T.D. Jakes - Inspiration
"Men who bury their talents, who are not actively pursuing their dreams, who put their lives on hold while days, weeks, months, and years pass them by, suffer an empty existence."
- T.D. Jakes
QUOTE 2/8/2008 - Mahatma Gandhi - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect
"Democracy and violence can ill go together. Evolution of democracy is not possible if we are not prepared to hear the other side."
- Mahatma Gandhi
QUOTE 2/4/2008 - Jesse Jackson - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect
QUOTE 1/28/2008 - Calvin Coolidge - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect
"Little progress can be made by merely attempting to repress what is evil. Our great hope lies in developing what is good."
- Calvin Coolidge
QUOTE 1/21/2008 - Martin Luther King Jr. - Acceptance, Inspiration
"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
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QUOTE 11/16/2007 - Robert Greenleaf - Inspiration
"Nothing much happens without a dream. For something really great to happen, it takes a really great dream."
- Robert Greenleaf
QUOTE 11/9/2007 - Jesse Jackson - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up."
- Jesse Jackson
QUOTE - William Connor Magee - Acceptance, 10/31/2007
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."
- William Connor Magee
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QUOTE - Martin Luther King Jr. - Inspiration, 10/30/2007
"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
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QUOTE - Mahatma Gandhi - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect, 10/29/2007
"What kind of victory is it when someone is left defeated?"
- Mahatma GandhiSubscribe to AIR Equation.org
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QUOTE - Dalai Lama - Acceptance, Inspiration, Respect, 10/25/2007
“Be kind whenever possible...It is always possible.”
- Dalai LamaSubscribe to AIR Equation.org
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